- 11:25 pm
It’s been a while since I last posted an entry here.
Graduation’s just around the corner and everyone seems excited about it.
I’m happy but I’m not excited.
People will leave and will inevitably forget about me.
Distance, for me, doesn’t help in any relationship.
People may not forget but they’ll have a hard time remembering everything.
I am afraid that everything will be different.
I am happy for him.
He has so many plans and thinks of doing most of them after graduation.
He’s still young and I know he’s got everything planned.
I doubt that I am included in his plans.
We once had a misunderstanding that lead to the idea of a break up.
There was no hesitation in his voice when he said the following words to me,
"Sige na, Camille. Kung ayaw mo na saakin, okay lang."
I, being the stupid person that I am, just told him that he was being too dramatic and “jologs”.
I jokingly asked him that if I broke up with him at that time, would he chase after me.
He coldly replied, “No.”
He had said similar lines to me before. He wouldn’t chase after me because he thinks that there’s no point in doing so.
I already knew that he wasn’t going to fight for me but I stubbornly disregarded his insensitive statements and made extreme efforts to make him feel loved instead.
I made a handwritten “I love you!” message on a banner made up of taped bond papers on our 9th month.
He told me that I shouldn’t have done that and that I should never do that again.
He told me that in front of our friends.
I felt embarrassed but I only blamed myself.
I thought my message was poorly written or that I had embarassed him with my message.
I blamed myself.
I wish I hadn’t but I still did.
I have this feeling that I’m the only one holding on to our relationship.
I’m afraid that he’ll give up on us or maybe get bored with me, soon.
I wish he loves me.
I hope he still does.
Because, I do.
3rd March, Monday — Reblog
I love him so much.
There are so many things that could make us happy.18th December, Wednesday — Reblog
We’re just too blind to see them.
Ordinary Buko Pie
“Aba, ini na im daraga, gi babaysayi na daw nga” my aunt said as she saw me sinking my fake converse shoes into the beach’s grains.
‘Twas 3 years ago since I last felt my dear town’s breeze. I got out of the motor boat, as if I were a bakasyonista in a resort-kind-of-world. My sun kissed skin, full of mosquito bites, longed for the cool waters that engulfed my feet. As I removed my sunglasses and shook my head from left to right, I tripped.
I fell on the coast- face flat. Drenched in humiliation and salt water, I picked myself up and saw my aunt hiding her smile.
“Hi, miss! Welcome to Barangay Sumoroy, Palapag Northen Samar!”
Alas, I was home.
15th December, Sunday — Reblog
I now trust him.
24th November, Sunday — Reblog
No chances to be taken.
I just trust him.
Had fun being with the bu newsletter and documentation team during the Regional Higher Education Summit 2013.16th November, Saturday — Reblog
PR wala sa oras.
- 11:23 pm
You are drifting away.
Slowly moving away. And yet you are in front of me.
I try to reach out. I try to be near to you as often as I could. Yet, you are subconsciously pulling away.
There are little things that bother me. Little things that shouldn’t even be given much thought.
I over think when you forget your promises. Be it a hug or a high five. When you say that you’ll do them but end up forgetting, it kills me. The little hopes hurt me the most.
I feel useless when you’re sad and I try to cheer you up by hugging or buying you food and you overlook at my efforts. I don’t expect you to feel okay immediately, neither do I expect you to ignore me.
You lie. I know you do. You keep things from me. I understand. It’s fine. But I still feel disappointed. I need to be honest with myself and with you.
These days, when we’re talking, we don’t even “talk”. Most of our conversations are detached. I will say something about fries and you’ll just respond with “Oh?” or just giggle and start a different conversation. You talk to your phone more than you do with me.
I know I’m just over thinking. I know that what I’m thinking is pathetic, but I think lying to myself would be more idiotic.
I get disappointed because I expect too much.
I expect too much because I trust you.
I trust you because I love you.
Love isn’t a one way process. I hope you know that.
But I’m just a little bit paranoid. And I’m sorry for being so.
Still, if you keep pulling further, I won’t let you go. You’re the best person that I have ever had. Why would I just let you go?
I love you. I hope you know.
13th November, Wednesday — Reblog
It doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong.
1st November, Friday — Reblog
What matters is that you can feel it.
That’s how you know you’re in love.
- 12:24 am
I am jealous.
I am jealous of her.
I am jealous of her eyes, her voice, her looks and how she is.
I am jealous of her personality.
Most of all, I am jealous of how he looks at her.
I am nothing like her. I know that I shouldn’t feel like this because he chose me. But I can feel him slowly moving away from me.
Yes, I am jealous for all the wrong reasons but this is how I feel.
Whether it is right or wrong to feel this way,
I can still feel it.
I can’t control it.
Call me selfish, but I want him to love me as much as I love him.
Call me cheesy, but I am still hoping for him to make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, every day.
Though I am not.
I am jealous and desperate.
I am weak.
I can only love him and pretend to not expect anything in return.
I can only pretend.
That is the best that I can do.
Pretend and forget.
But like the seasons,
jealousy shall pass,
but not my love for him.
I will love him forever.
1st November, Friday — Reblog